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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
dulect
one-time-i-dreamt

I was hanging around at my boyfriend’s place (in hindsight he was probably Satan) and we were just chilling, doing normal things, when a long, sleek, black car pulled up outside of his house. My boyfriend, suddenly very nervous and twitchy, told me to go and hide in the closet. When I asked him what was up, he just told me it was a “work associate” so I went and did as he said. I peeked a little bit out of the closet to see who this person was. I wanted to see who could possibly get my boyfriend, the actual Devil, to tremble in fear. And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz.

alpinewriter

Reflections on this post:

1. I need to read URLs.

2. “in hindsight he was probably Satan” may be the single greatest hook to a story that I’ve ever seen.

3. The levels of stress and suspense that occur in the rising action here rival that of some of the greatest survival horror works that exist on this earth.

4. “And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz” is probably the only sentence that could make the conclusion to this story more terrifying, and ended the story in a way far superior to anything my own sense of dread could have come up with.

Source: one-time-i-dreamt
zsnes
unclefather

I’m waiting in line at Walmart and I watched a child pick a penny up off the floor and eat it these people are savages I feel like I’m in the wild

grawly

the other day i was feeling nauseous in walmart and i went into the subway restaurant that was inside and i rammed my head into the edge of the garbage can trying to puke into it and some guy just stared at me and thats when i figured out i may be one of those pepole

Source: unclefather
charlesoberonn
kawaiite-mage

most things that were used to kill or repel demons were just antibacterial or very healthy. bacteria can’t live for long on a silver surface. garlic is hella good for your immune system. holy water is water that you’re not allowed to shit in.

I don’t have a point I’m trying to make I just think it’s kinda cool where supernatural beliefs intersect with real science

sirobvious

Bacteria are demons

sindri42

The entire set of rules on which foods are kosher or not is basically a guide on how to eliminate food poisoning in a pre-industrial society.

charlesoberonn

Salt is a disinfectant too.

Considering ancient people attributed disease to demonic possession, it makes sense they’d correlate antibacterial methods with anti-demonic ones.

Our ancestors weren’t stupid (not any stupider than us, at least), they just lacked the knowledge we have today.

Source: kawaiite-mage
mountainoverdewingit
blackshikamaru

ah i know this is obvious advice but like: dont let your friends vaguepost about you. its disrespectful and passive aggressive and makes it a lot harder to facilitate safe discussions. also dont vaguepost about your friends thats childish

blackshikamaru

image

its! 2019!  its time to leave childish behavior behind!! you dont need to be dropping hints like your the fucking riddler tryna one up batman  just move on  and be clear about your intentions!!!!!  

razjoon

vagueposting is fun and i don’t do it as much anymore but it’s GOOD people deserve to feel a little anxiety now and then

blackshikamaru

yr too damn old to be existing in friendships built on causing your loved ones anxiety its immature and childish and iont know why u thought this was worth sharing go make a vague abt it instead tf

Source: blackshikamaru